Sunday, June 27, 2010

How I See It...

A friend of mine (Agiantsince82) recently wrote a blog posts about men not doing the things they should be doing and expecting to keep their women. It was well written and he’s absolutely right about what he’s saying. I’m glad he chose to express that it’s wrong for men to accept all the things women do and not give anything in return (even though he did get some backlash for that post). If you haven’t read his post you can read it here (it’s ok, I’ll wait).

So after reading Agiantsince82’s post I started wondering when did women just get used sub-par treatment. It seems that it’s in our nature as women to give and give and give some more. And while at work the other day, I started seeing the answer. I was working the front door, which basically consist of keeping count of visitors with a clicker in hand and making sure they don’t bring food or drinks inside. I saw time and time again men who didn’t hold the door open for women. What is this about? This was especially true of young couples (people under the age of 30). I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. This is really the simplest of things a man can do. Yet as I stood there I watched as time and time again, either the woman opened the door and walked in and the man walked in after her (while he never touched the door) or the man walked in first and simply let go of the door and the woman was left to hold the door for herself. I even saw on two separate occasions, where a couple was exiting the museum while a group of people where walking towards the same doors to gain entry and both times, YES, both times the man walked out first and the woman stayed behind to hold the door open for the people approaching the door. I was floored. How on earth is this ok?

Now granted, I’m sure every man and woman that came together was not necessarily a couple. But that doesn’t excuse men from their duties. Here’s an example. Last week I went to lunch with a group from church. Well two of us went ahead while the others came about 5 minutes behind us. I rode with a male friend from church and when we got to the door of the restaurant he held the door open for me. We’re not a couple, we’re just friends (actually he has a girlfriend) but he was raised to know that’s what he’s supposed to do. I can’t think of any male friends I have that don’t hold the door open for me. It just seems like common courtesy. So why aren’t men doing it?

Men, this is not ok. While Agiantsince82’s focus was on men who are married or have been with their women for a long time, mine is on the dating process. Men do you simply not think this is important anymore? I can tell you it is important, and to people outside your relationship not doing these things makes you look selfish. Please remember that while women don’t consult their friends and family about getting into a relationship with a man, but they do consult them about staying in a relationship with a man. Rest assure her friends and family pay attention to things like these and it can be deciding factors as to whether she will stay with you or leave.

Women, I promise you, if he can’t even open the door for you it’s doomed. I’m keeping it real with ya’ll. I’m not even telling you to do anything I wouldn’t do. I know I’m 30 and single but I’ve passed up men for this very detail. I don’t even feel like I should have to express this issue to them, especially on a first date. Aren’t you supposed to be on your best behavior on the first date? So if he won’t hold that door open for me on the first date, there’s no need for a second, because as he gets more comfortable with me it will only go downhill from there. People could say a lot of things about my ex, but he did hold the door open, he did open my car door, and he always gave me his jacket. If even he gets it, I’m not sure why men aren’t getting these things.

Men you got to tighten up here. I don’t expect you to be perfect (we women are far from perfect ourselves) but be kinder, be gentler, in essence be gentlemen! Hold doors open for women; pull out their chairs, open the car door for them to get in and out. Don’t underestimate kindness when it comes to women. The women who can’t appreciate kindness in a man, doesn’t deserve a gentleman (they probably wouldn’t be kind to a gentleman anyway). Kindness is one of the best ways to a woman’s heart.

Women, we aren’t exactly blameless in this matter. The fact is that we’re accepting this type of behavior. If you’re a good woman you deserve these things. If you have a man who you feel is a good man but he doesn’t these things, speak up! I mean speak up directly because men can’t read minds, so you have to tell them what you want. The bottom line ladies is that men only do to us what we allow them to do. Let's tighten up.

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